Pastoral Care of Pastors and Their Families > When Both Spouses are Pastors

Two-pastor families, those where both spouses are in pastoral ministry, have specific issues to face. And these issues differ depending on whether or not you are both pastors at the same church or assigned to different congregations.

Pastors assigned to the same church will face challenges of never being able to get away from your work (one of you is always "on"), potential accusations of nepotism, and having church members feel uneasy about telling you their secrets and struggles for fear that the spouse will also hear about them. Two pastor families where each spouse is assigned to a different church face difficulties in managing two separate social circles, two church families (each of which would like the spouse of their pastor around), and issues relating to time demands that may make it difficult to see each other as often as they wish.

If you are the Ministerial Director of pastoral couples in either of these situations, it would be well to stay in frequent contact with both spouses involved to help monitor their emotional, spiritual, and familial health. You may need to be prepared to help them find a way to change assignments to one more conducive to protecting their health and family.

Here's one real-life story of a two pastor family:

“Ministry is LIFE!”

By Pastors Franke and Kandace Zollman

When we were dating back in the 70’s our dream was to someday work together as a pastoral team. As is often the case, the Lord led us by a rather circuitous route—growing us in both practical and painful ways. Finally, in 2013, He delivered to us “the desire of our hearts” when the door opened for us to pastor together. Adjusting to the changes and trying to create some semblance of balance, Kandace deduced, “Ministry is LIFE!”

And so it has become.

Our different ministries have never been “just a job” to either of us, and as we have joined together pulling the same yoke in pastoral ministry we have found that our work is woven into everything we do…everything we are. The need for care of hurting individuals, planning for growth of our congregation, and always looking for ways we can impact our community with the love of Jesus require a constant radar. We have found that our different personalities really complement each other, and that what one of us misses, the other usually picks up. When there is a need, it is almost always obvious which one of us will “step up” and handle it, requiring very little discussion. There is a rhythm, an awareness of our individual strengths, and a deep mutual respect that makes “living ministry” very natural for us.

At the same time, there are challenges peculiar to team ministry. Expectations can be unrealistic as some feel that when a church has two pastors, one of them should always be available. Some members have struggled with their fears of nepotism and the control of power. Because work is jointly our central focus, it can invade personal time. If we are not careful, all our conversation is centered on work, and we even neglect sharing news about our family or our own personal needs. Pastors always experience the challenge of creating boundaries, and that can be even more stressful when both partners are pastoring because the “boundaries” frequently cross over one another. Time alone together takes deliberate planning, the muting of cell phones, and resisting of regularly checking them!

We try to balance the demands of team pastoring by taking necessary time away from the pastorate. We attempt to schedule regular “get-aways”—even if it is only for a day or two. We regularly make time to be with our children. We both enjoy yard work and spend time in the nurture and upkeep of our home. Though we have regular Monday morning planning sessions, we also enjoy bedtime debriefing and snuggling, unwinding together at the end of another busy day. Franke understands Kandace’s need for time alone with Jesus and annually gives her the gift of a week on a remote Maine island. Kandace understands Franke’s need to keep learning and does her best to encourage new experiences for him.

We have no doubt that God has called us to this commitment—and we feel very honored to be able to work with Him. Together.

How true it is that “two are better than one.”