Pastoral Care of Pastors and Their Families > Ministry to Single Pastors

By Eli Rojas Jr. erojas@ccosda.org

Being a single person in ministry can be a tremendous advantage in some aspects. It might mean you are freer to invest in ministry because you have fewer family needs to worry about. But single pastors also lack the built-in support system that other immediate family members provide. Here are a few things that conference administrators and Ministerial Directors can do to help:

•Respect single people’s status. It is important to not make them feel inferior for being single, or pushing too hard for them to get married. There is enough pressure in ministry. And please don't make them feel like they do not have a family. They are a family - a family of one! Even families of one have needs!

•Provide clear dating guidelines. It would be helpful for the conference to be clear as to what they expect from their pastor. If there are no rules then fine, but many rules go unspoken until someone crosses the line. If you have expectations in this regard, it is far better to be up front about them

•Fill in the gaps. There are many ministries that single pastors excel in. And while many single pastors feel equally equipped to speak on all topics, it is always important to remember your limitations and acknowledge that people don’t want to hear marriage advice from a single pastor, as well as other topics. Helping pastors with resources and guest speakers that specialize in these limited areas of ministry can make a big difference

•Understanding and grace. Often expectations for single pastors and married pastors is the same, which leads to a lack of understanding. There are nuances to each pastor’s ministry and each stage of life a pastor finds themselves in. Understanding and grace can allow the pastor to feel comfortable to work in their strengths and weaknesses. And please make sure you don't make unreasonable time demans of a single pastor just because they don't have a spouse and/or children

•Be more communicative and supportive. Pastoring as a single person can mean that they don’t have much support, encouragement, boundary setting. So it can be helpful for administrators to take a more active role in supporting and encouraging those pastors. Mentoring and just checking in can be very impactful

•Be sensitive about placement. Many pastors starting out find themselves in challenging districts. While a few become youth pastors, some are sent to small churches that lack any youth or opportunities for social connections. Do what you can to assign a single pastor to a place where other singles can be found so that they can develop friends and community with similar-aged peers

•Allow special travel time. It can be difficult to find people in your district to date. And long distance dating can be very challenging because it is hard to really get to know someone through messages or FaceTime/Skype. Dating means needing to take time together which can be difficult with only a few days of vacation. A little flexibility is good

Also pulpit swapping can be great for getting to know new congregations and creating new relationships

Allow them to attend conferences and encourage trips to larger church events around the conference and union

That extra travel can open some important doors or at the very least allow them to mingle with their peers, which can also be very helpful

•Ministering to their needs. Single pastors have needs that married pastors don’t. They can range from lack of support to friendships to financial challenges trying to meet expenses with one income. There are single pastors who are single later due to loss or divorce. Offering counseling and support for them can have great impact

Finally, don't just assume that single pastors will speak up if they have needs or need some special consideration. Ask them. They might otherwise be too reluctant to just speak up for fear of bringing undo attention to themselves or their situation.