The Ministerial Director > Getting Started > Pay Special Attention to Your Own Family Early On

This is especially important if you are moving into Ministerial directly from a parish pastorate.

Spouses, and to a lesser degree, children, are often at (or at least near) the center of church life and activity, and moving from the role of pastoral spouse and child to departmental spouse and child can be a jolting experience.

For some, it will be a feeling of freedom. Others will mourn the loss of close relationships. If your physical move was to a place a long distance away from your prior assignment, your spouse and children will feel loneliness more acutely. You’ll have a whole office full of ready-made acquaintances with whom you’ll be interacting almost from day 1. They, on the other hand, will be in a place with a new church without the advantages of the connections to a church family they are used to. It can be very lonely and disorienting for a while.

It may even be that you go into this work expecting that your spouse and/or children will travel often with you, but you may not find that to be possible. Or perhaps they don’t get the same joy in the travel as you!

This adds up to more time away from each other, which will have an impact on your relationship. One special impact: if you are gone frequently, your spouse will be left to manage your children on their own much more often. Most spouses can handle this for short bursts or for a short time frame. But if it becomes the new norm for your family, you will need to find ways to schedule relief for your spouse and find ways to stay involved with your family. Do not sacrifice your family on the altar of church work. God has not asked that of you, and don’t assume He will be pleased with that sort of sacrifice!

The good news is that departmental work also affords you some time away without the same sort of pressures you felt as a pastor. If you work at it, you’ll be able to find enough ways to compensate for the changes in the relationship that you will achieve a new balance to your life as a spouse and parent. But you will need to be mindful of it, or you will be surprised one day to discover that this new life that you enjoy so much is not healthy for your family. Next...