Mic Thurber

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Mic Thurber

 

First, just realize that this is one of the most difficult situations in which you will find yourself as a pastor's pastor. I would suggest that if it's a difficult enough situation that you quietly consult with a trusted colleague or two before you take any further steps. A few trusted/well-chosen colleagues out of your area of service can be a real help in sorting through these types of situations. Consultation with such individuals does not violate the spirit of the confidentiality you pledge to your pastors. Even therapists and physicians consult when appropriate, and you should feel the same freedom.

 

If you come by the information that gives you pause because the pastor confided in you, unless it is something illegal or something that requires reporting, you will most likely need to keep the information to yourself. Word of betrayal of confidential information will get around among your pastors, and if that happens, you will no longer be able to function as a confidante for your pastors. Once that happens, it is only a matter of time before you will need to move to a new position yourself.

 

But that does not mean that you are rendered impotent. First, it would be worth a frank conversation with the pastor in question to let them know that you do not feel they should open themselves to this move until they have either resolved or taken concrete steps to address the issue that gives you the concern. You can let them know that you cannot advocate for them in this current move opportunity, and if they choose to go ahead with it and they do make the move and their problem becomes public or goes nuclear, you will not be in a position to defend them by being able to truthfully say that they were taking positive steps to deal with their issue.

 

Forgiveness comes much easier when others realize that you have been working in good faith to address your issues than when it is realized that you were indifferent toward taking needed action.

 

You might also need to tell the pastor involved that you cannot, in good conscience, vote for this on committee, even if you cannot tell the committee why.

 

If you have come to this point, it might be well to speak privately with the administrator in your conference who is the lead in personnel placement and let them know that you don't support this potential move but that you are unable to say why because of confidentiality reasons. If you have the right understanding of how you handle confidentiality with your administrators, they should accept this from you with out argument. They may still feel the need to move ahead barring any publicly-available information that would tell them otherwise. But at least you would have done what you could to register your concern without betraying the specific confidence.

 

While this course of action will possibly be personally troubling, just as in a parish pastorate, you often are privy to information about your parishioners that makes you realize that God is not finished with them yet. The longer you serve as a ministerial director and gain the confidence of your pastors, the more you will realize that God is not finished with your pastors, either. Sometimes, grace and patience needs to come from you, too.

 

Finally, if the information comes to you because the issue is publicly known, then while you are not bound by the rules of confidentiality, there still are appropriate steps to take in addressing it. A visit with the pastor in question to reveal what you have learned is the best first step because it will put you in the best position to know what to do from there. Keep the circle of knowledge as small as possible for as long as possible while you sort through everything to make sure you know enough to form any future actions you might need to take.

 

In any event, assure the pastor that you are still their pastor and that you want to be able to assist them in this relationship even if it's a difficult time for the pastor. Everyone needs a pastor, especially a pastor!

 

Mic Thurber, MAUC Ministerial Director